| The
Parish Church of St Mary and St Nicholas Leatherhead Service of Thanksgiving for the life of Molly Henniker 17th July 1921 – 21st January 2011 Tuesday 8th February 2011 Service conducted by Canon David Eaton |
|
Order of Service
Processional Music Minuet from Handel’s Berenice
Welcome and Introduction
Opening Prayer
Hymn: O Jesus I Have Promised
Reading John 14 vv1-6
Hymn - Love Divine All Love Excelling
Tribute by Canon David Eaton, formerly Vicar of Leatherhead
Molly has lived a very fulfilled and active life which has been marked by her early resolve to overcome disability with much courage and determination. [David went on to cover Molly's life, based on information provided by Marianne - see below.]
David continued ...
Marianne and Andrew married and have two children. Molly (with Alec) had great love and affection for their grandchildren, Hannah and Zoe, and they for her. We extend sincere sympathies to Alec and all the family today.
It was a day of great sadness when Alec and Molly had to be parted. They have shared a very happy and devoted marriage together; a model for others to follow. They were able to visit, and were together only shortly before Molly died.
Molly was, of course, a stalwart member of this church with Alec. She was a keen Member of the Mother’s Union and The Friends of the Parish Church. She also organised a Linen Guild and her attention to detail kept the linens and frontals, and choir robes here in a very good state of repair. Alec has sung for many years in the Choir. It is people like Molly and Alec who are the back bone of church life and ensure that it continues. Their dedication deserves all our respect and appreciation.
Molly was a remarkable lady. Her courage and tenacity are not to be underestimated. She has overcome a great deal in her life and done so with good humour and good will. Tributes to her received by the family include:
[Marianne]
Interestingly Molly never had a washing machine and did all the washing by hand. I think friends and family may have come in for a bit latterly, but you can’t help admiring Molly’s wartime spirit and commitment to traditional methods.
I always enjoyed her company. She was good a talker [laughter], but she could listen as well, and through it all there came immense common sense, and a practical turn of mind, that stood her in very good stead for all that she was involved in and contributed to. She was invariably upbeat. The jar was half full. She knew the way the world ticked and spoke her mind, but she was good hearted and on your side.
I don’t think there can be much doubt that heaven will be a better organised place with Molly’s arrival [laughter], and that pile of sewing that’s been waiting for far too long will finally get done. Molly was a woman after God’s own heart. She was living proof that God meets us in our need, not to avoid the problems we may encounter but to overcome them. She has managed her disability with determination and good faith. In this she will be welcomed home and received with much love and affection. She has shown us all a way to live and rise above whatever it is that might pull us down. We salute her today with admiration and thanksgiving.
May she rest in peace and rise in glory.
Poems dedicated to a beloved Wife, Mum, & Grandma
Marianne: Thank you for your Love
Thank you for a world of kindness,
Thank you for your endless patience,
Thank you for your sensitive understanding
Thank you for your Love.What Made Molly Special?
It was a wonderful combination of THOUGHTFULNESS and CARING, GENEROSITY and KINDNESS
It was being someone who left the world just a little nicer wherever she went.
That was Molly
My Wonderful Grandma – Read by Zoe
Miss Me but Let Me Go – Read by Hannah
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no tears in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me me a little - but not for long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love we once shared.
Miss me - but let me go.
For this journey we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to your friends that we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good works
Miss me - but let me go.
Words of Encouragement
She is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Prayers of Remembrance and Thanksgiving
The Lord’s Prayer
Hymn: Now Thank We All Our God
Commendation & Farewell
Blessing
Recessional Music Rosamund from Where the Rainbow Ends by Roger Quilter
Organist: Peter Holt
Committal will follow at the graveside
Everyone is warmly invited to refreshments in the Parish
Hall opposite after the Service.
The family would like to thank everyone for their condolences
and support during this time.
Anyone wishing to make a donation to Molly’s favoured
charity, The Children’s Society, in her
memory please forward via:
c/o L Hawkins & Sons Funeral Directors
Highlands Road
Leatherhead
Surrey
KT22 8ND
Molly
Henniker (née Argent)
17th July 1921-21st January 2011
Born above a shop on the High Street in Limpsfield, Surrey on 17th July 1921, Molly was the dearly loved, only child of Ronald and Ruth Argent. Ron was a local taxi driver and Ruth a housekeeper at a large house in the village. Molly experienced a happy, secure childhood growing up in the village of Limpsfield. Her memories of village life were good, just as were friends and neighbours’ memories of Molly, the happy little girl with long blond hair and a sunny smile. She attended the village school (1925 – 1931), the village church and Sunday school. Brought up in the Church of England Molly was confirmed in the Parish Church of St Peter, Limpsfield on March 21st 1939. She maintained a strong faith all her life and that, together her with her tenacity and love of life helped her through the challenges she faced.
Undetected until the age of about 7 when she began to develop a limp, it materialised that she had a congenital condition that affected the formation of her hips. Congenital Dislocation of the Hips (CDH) causes a deformity in the hip joint where the ball and socket does not form properly. It is a hereditary condition that can affect females, usually, in a family. Today checks are made routinely at birth, especially where the condition is known to have existed in a family, because it can be treated at a very early age to prevent disability. Molly was not so fortunate.
In 1928 CDH was virtually unheard of and Molly helped to write medical history when she posed the challenge to her surgeons as to how best they could treat her. Her education was interrupted by several long spells in hospital as a child but her fortitude did not allow for failure, even then. She attended Oxted County School from 1931 – 1938, achieving credits in 5 of the 11 subjects she studied, according to her School Certificate.
Molly started her working life as a civil servant, commuting from Oxted to Central London every day. A year later war broke out and provided her with memories that later generations starting out in life were, thankfully, to be spared. She often recalled how life carried on as normally as possible, in between air raids. During Blackouts she had to travel home and walk from the station to her house in complete darkness because she lived in a part of South East England that was to become known as ‘Bomb Alley’. It was in the main flight path of the German Air Force on their way to London but all too often they deposited their bombs before they reached the Capital.
When travel became too dangerous Molly moved up to London and lived in the Salvation Army Hostel for Young Women in Southampton Row. Whilst there she forged some of her lifelong friendships and her memories were mostly of happy times, despite the circumstances and the personal challenges she faced on a daily basis. As the war progressed and staying in London was considered too dangerous, Mum was evacuated to Harrogate in Yorkshire. There she recalled some of her happiest memories during the war years, where she made more lifelong friends.
As England began to recover from the ravages of war, Molly’s condition and mobility deteriorated. She became a frequent outpatient at the Middlesex Hospital and after much deliberation on the part of her orthopaedic surgeon, Philip Wyles, not to mention courage and faith on her part, she underwent the first of a number of major operations on her hips, uncertain as to whether she would ever walk again.
To give an idea of how Molly approached her situation, living in a full plaster cast from armpit to ankle for 6 months at a time, a letter from the Lady Almoner at Middlesex, dated 23rd February 1950 reads as follows;
‘I have known Miss Molly Argent for the last three years during which time she has been a patient at this hospital and had a series of operations. During this time I had every opportunity of getting to know her very well. I soon learned to admire the courage and patience with which she faced up to her ordeal and the cheerfulness which remained undaunted despite her many setbacks. Whilst she was in the ward she was a source of comfort and encouragement to the other patients. Her recovery has been facilitated by determination and easy co-operation and she is very well liked by all who have taken part in her treatment at this hospital.
Miss Argent has always shown a great interest in the work of the Occupational Therapy Department and is anxious now to be able to pass on to others the benefits she has herself received. I understand that she shows considerable talent in this direction and I feel confident that she would be a success in this field if she took it up. Her temperament appears to be suited to this type of work and she has the added advantage of having experienced a patient’s reaction to the Occupational Therapy. She is a pleasant and charming person and deserving of every success’
As we know, Molly went on to study OT and became a very successful and accomplished Occupational Therapist herself. Not only did OT College provide her with a new career, it also provided her with a husband! Whilst there she met Alec, whom she loved and adored, and their life long relationship blossomed. After they both qualified successfully in 1953, Alec ‘popped the question’ and they became engaged, marrying 2 years later on 11th June 1955.
They spent the early part of their married life in a rented ground floor flat in Teddington, Middlesex, living on a joint income of £10 per week. Almost exactly four years later, on 3rd June 1959, Marianne, their only child, was born. Alec continued with his career whilst Molly took a career break to care for their daughter, until Marianne went to school. During those years Molly contributed to the family’s income by employing her considerable needlework skills to make curtains for the sets at Thames Television. Marianne can recall many a weekend when the carpets at home turned into a sea of curtain material and in amongst it was Molly and her old Singer (treadle) sewing machine!
In 1965 the Hennikers bought their first house for £4,000(!) when they moved to Ashtead. Alec was by then working in the psychiatric field at Horton Hospital, where he became Head OT. Molly joined his team part time, working 3 days a week and in the days when paid childcare during the school holidays was not an option for them, Marianne joined them too, where she gained experience and in-sight at an early age into the issues surrounding mental health and which has stood her in good stead in her current job. Marianne has always maintained that whilst Alec was The Boss at work, Molly was The Boss at home, and was instrumental in running a tight ship in both places! Her home was always immaculate as was her garden and she did it all with the minimum of help. She never even had a washing machine; she didn’t see the need! And it was, no doubt, this stubborn refusal to embrace the benefits of modern technology that probably kept her so fit and able to continue for so long in her own home.
| Molly threw herself wholeheartedly into
everything she did – she was an active member of
the School PTA for many years. She was usually found
in the kitchen making sandwiches or on a stall
selling cakes at their fund raising events, always
with that sunny smile of hers. She made the stage
curtains for Marianne’s junior school (when the
whole house disappeared in curtain material and Molly
with it!) There was no end to her creative skills
– when Alec and Marianne were both in rehearsals
for the Pantomimes at Horton Molly would be working
away at home creating wonderful costumes for them. Molly retired in 1985, the same year as Marianne and Andrew married. Sadly for her, she lost her Mum the following year. With more time on her hands than she had probably ever known she became much more active in church affairs and both the Leatherhead branch of the Mothers’ Union and the Leatherhead Friends of the Parish benefitted from her considerable skills, experience and contribution. Her kind and generous nature and cheerful disposition made her many friends. To Molly and Alec’s delight, Marianne and Andrew made them grandparents in July ’89 with the birth of their daughter Hannah, to be followed three and half years later by another little bundle of joy, Zoe .... and what a wonderful Grandma she was! The girls adored her and it was mutual. |
 40th Wedding Anniversary, Leatherhead Parish Church 1995 |
For Molly, the saddest day came when she had to be physically parted from Alec due to his ill health. She found the reality of their separation an almost impossible burden to bear but she did so stoically and with good grace although it nearly broke her heart. One of the most comforting things about Molly’s death for her family is that her beloved Alec was the last person to have visited her and was at her bedside only an hour before she died.
Molly was a remarkable woman, truly inspirational and an example to us all of how to live a fulfilling life. Her belief was that happiness is found in giving, not receiving. She touched so many people’s lives and left them the better for it. She faced her challenges with great courage and fortitude, overcame incredible odds, and reaped what she sowed; a faith that never let her down, a wealth of friendships (causing her to have the longest Christmas Card list ever!) a long and happy marriage to a wonderful man, the unending love of her family and a permanent place in their hearts forever. She will be sorely missed by those she leaves behind but she is, thankfully, now at peace.
God Bless You Molly.
Photo display in the Parish Hall after Molly's Thanksgiving
Service
source: Haslam
Alec Henniker, died 20th February 2011
| The Parish Church
of St Mary and St Nicholas Leatherhead Service of Thanksgiving for the life of Alec Henniker 5th January 1927 – 20th February 2011 Wednesday 9th March 2011 Service conducted by Canon David
Eaton |
 |
Order of Service
Processional Music Minuet from Handel’s Berenice
Welcome and Introduction
Opening Prayer
Hymn: The King of Love, My Shepherd is
Reading John 14 vv1-6, read by Canon David Eaton
Hymn - Love Divine All Love Excelling
Tribute by Canon David Eaton, formerly Vicar of Leatherhead
Those who saw Alec at Molly’s funeral may have guessed that Alec’s life too was coming to a close. Despite the Russian hat and badge which set him off handsomely, he looked frail and was clearly missing Molly to whom he had been married and devoted to for more than 50 years.
It is almost exactly a month ago that we were here for Molly’s funeral and it is perhaps fitting that their parting was but for a short period of time. Alec was a very modest and unassuming person (you might say low profile) but he had real devotion to his family, his work, his church and his enthusiasms. To all these he brought considerable energy, skill and commitment which displayed the great strength of personality he possessed.
Alec was born on 5 January 1927 to Daisy and Victor Henniker. His given or baptismal name was Alexander because he was named after a clerical friend of his father’s The Revd OER Alexander. There was often some confusion over his name: was he Alec or was he Alex? The fact is he was both and answered to both. Three years after Alec was born he was joined by his sister Angela. They shared a happy childhood together although sadly when Alec was 9 their father died.
Alec recorded these early days in a note book found by Marianne. He writes about how he and Angela played together, sailing model barges on Home Park Pond near Hampton Court,( which is still used for pond yachts today), and the mock battles he and his dad played together with Brittains lead soldiers. He was also the proud owner of a Hornby Clockwork 'O' Gauge model railway not to mention Dinky toys, farm animals and other lead figures. So it is not difficult to see how Alec’s love of toys and toy collecting first started.
It was also at this time he first became interested in music because he took up the accordion, ocarina and the harmonica. Accordion playing in particular was to feature prominently in Alec’s life as we shall hear and see in a moment.
The death of Alec’s father meant a move from Norbiton to Surbiton and it was here that Alec went to school and grew up during his teenage years. It was wartime. Alec kept in touch with many of his friends from this period throughout his life.
After the war Alec set off on higher education and at first studied English at Southampton but changed course to train as an Occupational Therapist, which proved to be eminently suited to both his skills and his temperament. OT was also happily the reason that Alec met Molly as she too was a student at the same OT College. They trained together and fell in love together and were married in 1955. Marianne their only child was born some four years later and proved to be a great joy in their lives.
About 10 years after they were married Alec and Molly moved to Ashtead because Alec then was working at Horton Hospital, Epsom, where he became head of the OT Department. The house in Ashtead cost £4000. Molly returned to work on a part time basis and she too worked at Horton Hospital; during the school holidays Marianne also became part of the team there.
What you might call a family business, I think.Alec and Marianne regularly trod the boards in the hospital’s theatre with Alec often taking the lead role in productions. He had a strong tenor voice. It was part of the paradox that was Alec that his light was often seemingly under a bushel, but when required he could step to the front of stage and take the lead, whether that was in his work or in his leisure-time pursuits.
We are thankfully much more attuned as a society to the needs of disabled people than we used to be, so that we forget quite how bleak things were not so many years ago. Alec was one of those who broke new ground in developing prototypes for many of the disability living aids we are familiar with today. He was probably the first to make a home visit to fit a bath rail which he and a colleague designed and constructed in their OT Department. What now seems like an obvious aid to have, at the time was a moment of considerable breakthrough.
Alec was closely involved with the disability charity REMAP which is a national charity working through local volunteers to help people achieve an independence they would not otherwise be able to enjoy. In retirement Alec was Treasurer of the local REMAP branch.
All of which is a measure of just how dedicated Alec was to helping those who were disabled in some way to enjoy their lives and be as independent as they could be.
Outside of his professional commitment Alec pursued his enthusiasm for the world of transport modelling whether that be trains, planes or cars. Partly this was in having a considerable collection that he built up over many years, and which I think came as quite a shock to Molly when she eventually ventured in to the garage and discovered just what Alec had been squirreling away - men know what is in the garage but they don't always let on. And partly as a practitioner who in particular loved Gauge One model railways which, if you don’t know, in size is one up from 'O' gauge, which is one up from Dublo, or 4mm as it is today.
Mike Bland a fellow Gauge One enthusiast writes this:
Alec's main passion was for model trains running in the garden hauled by steam engines. He spent thirty years in the Gauge One Model Railway Association and was one of the original members of the Surrey branch of the Association. He ran a variety of locos in members' gardens, at national exhibitions and at charity events.
He acquired the nickname of Hell Fire Henniker, because he would occasionally set light to his loco or the track when firing up his engine with methylated spirits. He took all this ribbing in good part, even signing any letters he wrote to the Association magazine as from Hell Fire Henniker.
His separate membership of Sutton Model Engineering Club enabled him to combine two of his hobbies. He ran trains there regularly, but every year the club put on a musical evening performed by six members who coincidentally played a variety of instruments. There seemed to be a strange affinity between model engineering and making music. Alec brought along his accordion and joined in the fun. On one rare occasion he was even persuaded to sing a solo! This was quite an achievement because he seemed not to enjoy the limelight. Rather, he was a quiet team player who could always be relied upon to support events whether private or public.We shall hear the Tillingbourne Accordion Orchestra play in a moment. Alec was a member for many years. Martin Hogg also a member writes this:
Having known Alec for many years and also played accordion duets with him on several occasions, perhaps I can summarise my memories of him as follows:
The curious thing about accordionists is that they don't just enjoy the sound of the accordion they are passionate about the instrument. This was very true in Alec's case and he lived out this passion as a member of both the Tillingbourne Accordion Orchestra and the Guilford Accordion Club.Evidence of this love was that he never missed the weekly orchestra rehearsals and in his role as librarian, dedicated much of his spare time preparing sheet music for the group. Alec's love of the accordion and music in general was evident in his career as an Occupational Therapist bringing a sense joy to everyone with whom he worked.
Even when retired, he continued this deep desire to bring happiness to the community both playing in public with the orchestra and in day centres in duets or solos. In short, Alec was a fine role model and and an inspiration to all those that knew him.
Alec was also a member of the Parish Church Choir here and sang tenor for very many years with the choir. He was held in much affection by other choir members and by the Directors of Music like Peter Holt, who is playing today, and David Oliver and Chris Slater. Alec often held the tenor line on his own. He is particularly remembered for the solo verse he sang at Christmas from the carol “In the bleak mid winter”. It’s the third verse of the carol:
Enough for him, whom cherubim
Worship night and day
A breast full of milk
And a manger full of hay
Enough for him, whom angels
Fall down before
The ox and ass and camel which adore.Alec’s plaintive tenor voice brought just the right sense of pathos to those words in a very touching way.
Alec with Molly was a keen supporter of the Friends of the Parish Church and also served on the Parochial Church Council.
So we see that Alec was a man for all seasons. He was a loving and much loved family man who was devoted to Molly and to Marianne and Hannah and Zoe who will all read for us today, and to whom we extend sincere sympathies. He excelled in his chosen career with particular dedication and application and had a great time with his hobbies – Hell Fire Henniker getting up steam will stay with me for some time to come!
In many ways Alec teaches us how to live life: with devotion and with passion, with respect and with dedication, with love and with enjoyment. Just the way you might say that God intended. There was never any doubting where Alec’s inspiration came from. He wasn’t just in the choir to sing, although he loved that, but because he had a faith that was central and important to the way he lived his life. We can see that by who he was and the things that he did.
The last few years have had their own agony especially in the separation [going into care] from Molly. But we can be thankful that they are together again as we hold them both in our hearts today.
May they rest in peace and rise in glory. Amen.
Tribute from members of the Tillingbourne Accordion Orchestra - Moon River, by Henry Mancini
Marrianne: Those of you who were at Molly's service a month ago will have noticed that there is much that is the same in Dad's Order of Service. I thought the same of them both.
Poems dedicated to a beloved Dad & Grandpa
Marianne: Thank you for your Love
Thank you for a world of kindness,
Thank you for your endless patience,
Thank you for your sensitive understanding
Thank you for your Love.Hannah: What Made Grandpa Special?
It was a wonderful combination of THOUGHTFULNESS and CARING, GENEROSITY and KINDNESS
It was being someone who left the world just a little nicer wherever he went.
That was Grandpa
My Wonderful Grandma – Read by Zoe
Miss Me but Let Me Go – Read by Hannah
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no tears in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me me a little - but not for long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love we once shared.
Miss me - but let me go.
For this journey we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to your friends that we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good works
Miss me - but let me go.
Words of Encouragement: Canon David Eaton
He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he's gone or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Prayers of Remembrance and Thanksgiving
The Lord’s Prayer
Hymn: Praise my Soul, The King of Heaven
Commendation & Farewell
Blessing
Recessional Music Rosamund from Where the Rainbow Ends by Roger Quilter
Organist: Peter Holt
Committal will follow at Randall's Park Crematorium
Everyone is warmly invited to refreshments in the Parish
Hall opposite after the Service.
The family would like to thank everyone for their condolences
and support during this time.
Anyone wishing to make a donation to Alec’s favoured
charity, The Friends of Leatherhead Parish Church,
in his memory please forward via:
c/o L Hawkins & Sons Funeral Directors
Highlands Road
Leatherhead
Surrey
KT22 8ND
40th Wedding Anniversary, Leatherhead Parish Church 1995
Whose Pews article by Linda Hauxwell on Alec & Molly from the April 2003 Parish magazine
Molly and Alec Henniker
Alec and Molly are both Surrey born and bred – Alec in Kingston-on-Thames and Molly in Limpsfield. They met on the first day of their three-year training course to become Occupational Therapists at the London School of Occupational Therapy in Hampstead. That was in 1950 and they have been together ever since. They were married at St Peter's, Limpsfield, in 1955 and have one daughter, Marianne, and two grand-daughters.
They worked a total of nearly 80 years between them in the NHS, the last 20 years together, until retirement, at the former Epsom District Hospital. They feel very privileged to have worked in their chosen field and saw many new and pioneering techniques developed. Alec believes his was the first NHS home visit to fit a bath rail which he and a colleague designed and constructed in the OT department long before commercial Aids-to-Daily-Living were available.
They have lived in Leatherhead for 27 years and usually attend the 10.30 service at the Parish Church. Alec served several years on the PCC, is currently a committee member of the Friends of the Parish Church and sang tenor in the choir for a decade; he is still on their reserve list. Molly runs the Linen Guild, is a member of the Mother's Union and has run the preserves stall at the Autumn market for many years, which includes making pounds of marmalade and jam!
Alec's hobby is model railways and he is also a member of the Tillingbourne Accordion Orchestra, which won the silver cup at the last local festival. Molly has had a lifelong interest in needlework and many other crafts and until recently has enjoyed looking after their garden. They both love the countryside and are keen bird watchers. They support the RSPB and for the sake of our descendents would support anything that helps to conserve the Rain Forest.
They love home cooking and are both chocoholics. They enjoy old films, and Genevieve, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and The Sound of Music are firm favourites. Alec's favourite books are about trains and he enjoys historical films, costume dramas and cosmology. Molly likes autobiographies and historical novels.
What makes them laugh? John Cleese, Peter Ustinov and the
usual banana-skin incidents such as found in You have
been Framed.
Linda Hauxwell
Unless otherwise stated, images via Marianne Bridge
If you have any memories of Molly or Alec please contact Frank Haslam, the editor of these pages.
page created 6 Feb 11: last updated 5 Feb 12